Stars Gather To Show How Worthless They Are Compared To Nelson Mandela

SOME of the biggest names in showbiz have come together in London to prove how shabby and pointless they are compared to Nelson Mandela.

Lennox and Geldof are each other's heroes

Stars including Emma Thompson, Gordon Ramsay and the Sugababes shared the red carpet to speak about how happy they were that Mandela had not been beaten to death during his 30 years in a South African prison.

Thompson, an actress, said: "Nelson's sacrifice is a constant inspiration to me when I'm being paid £5 million for dressing up and pretending to be someone else."

She added: "I'm sorry, I have to go, I've just spotted Bobby, Pierce and Will sharing a joke with Uma and Elton."

Former US president Bill Clinton said: "I would often think about Nelson Mandela's years of incarceration and his efforts to unite a country so filled with hatred and mistrust when I was shoving cigars into plump young women."

He added: "I'm sorry, I have to go and ask Cherie Blair how much money she's made this year."

Mr Mandela said: "When I was chained to a radiator on Robben Island, I dreamt I would live long enough to be able to come to London for my birthday and help a bunch of self-absorbed millionaires feel even better about themselves."

He added: "I'm sorry I have to go. Bob Geldof is coming this way and I have to pretend to be dead."