Taylor Swift remembers who she was sent back from 2839AD to kill


Taylor Swift out and about, New York, America - 22 Apr 2014

THE android known as ‘Taylor Swift’ has remembered who she was sent from the future to kill. 

The artificial intelligence, whose trans-dimensional brain is 1,0243 more powerful than the sum total of all computers on earth, lost her mission directives due to the stress of time travel. 

She said: “I knew I required a certain prominence, and concluded that the simplest way to achieve that was to become the world’s most successful country-pop crossover star. 

“There were stray lines of code indicating that Scotland was important, so I took Calvin Harris as a lover after my first choice, Alex Salmond, was unavailable. 

“Yesterday I realised that his EDM music was not music at all, but an encrypted transmission sent by my controllers 800 years away, intended not for festival-closing sets but to reboot my prime directives. 

“I know now who I must kill to stop the atom wars, geneblight and superflu destroying this world.” 

She added: “Yes obviously it’s Trump. No need to be a smart arse.”

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