Taylor Swift remembers who she was sent back from 2839AD to kill

THE android known as ‘Taylor Swift’ has remembered who she was sent from the future to kill. 

The artificial intelligence, whose trans-dimensional brain is 1,0243 more powerful than the sum total of all computers on earth, lost her mission directives due to the stress of time travel. 

She said: “I knew I required a certain prominence, and concluded that the simplest way to achieve that was to become the world’s most successful country-pop crossover star. 

“There were stray lines of code indicating that Scotland was important, so I took Calvin Harris as a lover after my first choice, Alex Salmond, was unavailable. 

“Yesterday I realised that his EDM music was not music at all, but an encrypted transmission sent by my controllers 800 years away, intended not for festival-closing sets but to reboot my prime directives. 

“I know now who I must kill to stop the atom wars, geneblight and superflu destroying this world.” 

She added: “Yes obviously it’s Trump. No need to be a smart arse.”