Why isn’t Harry Styles buying us cupcakes? ask middle-aged men

ONE Direction’s middle-aged male fanbase wants to kill Taylor Swift, it has emerged.

It’s something special

Millions of men in the 35-55 age bracket have been left devastated after pictures emerged of Styles on a romantic trip to Cumbria with his famous girlfriend.

46-year-old welder Stephen Malley said: “Taylor’s just using Harry for her career, she doesn’t really love him like I do.

“I mean, I really like my wife but Harry Styles is different. When he’s performing on the telly his hazel eyes gaze directly into my soul.”

Police dog handler Julian Cook said: “Taylor needs to fuck off.

“She’s not even that cute. Her eyes are really far apart, like a horrible, ugly goldfish.

“I hate her.”

Last night there were angry scenes outside a One Direction gig in Manchester as venue security clashed with a group of middle-aged men, mostly scaffolders, desperate to have any sort of interaction with Styles.