William Enjoys Another Spiffing Day Out

HIS Royal Highness Prince William was in fine spirits last night after another absolutely spiffing day out.

'I'm having a lovely time, thank you for asking'

The future King took off in a light aeroplane and flew it around until he felt like doing something else.

The Prince said it made a 'pleasant change' from the rigours of the Fulham Road or having his foreskin hoovered every morning by the Royal Company of Foreskin Hooverers.

His Royal Highness revealed: "I was worried that flying around might prove to be ghastly and something of a bore. But actually, it was all rather jolly.

"I wonder why people don't use their planes all the time. What is the point of owning one and then just leaving it in your field?"

In preparing for the role of monarch, the Prince will spend a year having really terrific days out with the armed services, before focusing on his main constitutional duty of not being a Catholic.

The Prince added: "Next month they're going to give me a boat with helicopters on it that I get to drive around the sea for a couple of days. That's got 'spiffing' written all over it."

Prince William later spent the evening in Boujis nightclub, throwing bottles of champagne at the wall and urinating into the FA Cup.

He was then driven to Kate Middleton's apartment, where she performed oral sex on him while dressed as Jessica Rabbit.