Fears Grow As Fox Spotted On Top Of Horse


FEARS of a brutal fox insurgency were growing last night after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

Tally ho, motherfuckers

The fox was seen leaping from a tree on to the horse and then trying to steady itself before instructing the animal to run full pelt towards a hedge.

Martin Bishop, a fat man who farms eight million acres near Asterley in Shropshire, said: “It was all a bit haphazard. He obviously didn’t know where to put his back legs and he kept falling off.

“But he was wearing a little hat, so they obviously know about equestrian safety. I’ll tell you what, once these buggers get the hang of it, I am a dead man walking. If they can ride horses, they can make lists.”

Bill McKay, assistant chief constable of Shropshire Police, said: “I would advise people to stay indoors unless you’re very good at hiding in hedgerows or able to leave some kind of false scent.

“But if you do find yourself in open countryside with a group of mounted foxes hurtling towards you, either pretend to be a tree or try digging a hole really, really quickly.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “There is no more dangerous combination in all of nature than a fox who knows how to ride a horse. Except maybe an Israeli behind the wheel of a tank. Or a woman behind the wheel of a period.”

He added: “It would be fascinating to see a group of mounted foxes up close. I wonder if they’ll be twats?”

Meanwhile, as fox attacks increase at the rate of up to one a week, Guardian readers who supported the hunting ban have warned against a knee-jerk 18 month-long debate over whether it was a good idea.

Helen Archer, from Finsbury Park, said: “I don’t think they should go back to chasing them over fields with packs of dogs. That’s really cruel. They should help me corner it next to my gazebo so I can shoot it in the face.”

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