Plastic-free aisle in supermarkets to become hook-up joint for sanctimonious twats

PLASTIC-free aisles in supermarkets are to be used like singles bars by committed environmentalists, it has emerged.

Green shoppers have rejected online dating because it uses fossil-fuel generated electricity and are set to take over the new aisles where they can share their passion for yoghurt that is sold in a paper bag.

Tom Logan said: “Normally when I go to Tesco I hang around in the ‘free from’ section in the hope that I can hook up with a fellow environmentalist, but the danger is they might be a normal Earth-murderer with a wheat intolerance.

“In the plastic-free aisle I can meet someone who shares my passion for freeing our beautiful world of pollution. I can imagine the moment our eyes meet over a string bag full of organic avocados.

“Then we’ll waltz dreamily round into the freezer section for a bag of peas. I love the Earth, but how do you expect me to get peas home without a plastic bag?”

Tesco store assistant Wayne Hayes said: “If he’s so concerned about plastic waste why the fuck is he shopping in Tesco in the first place?”