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PRISONERS TO BE SODOMISED IN BID TO CUT CO2 |
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MALE prisoners are to return to the predatory sexual hell of communal showers, in a bid to help the government reduce CO2.
 Prison showers were often used to exchange gossip, recipes and fluids
Home secretary Jacqui Smith said: "By allowing prisoners to wash themselves in privacy we risk handing the next generation a burnt-out shell of a planet.
"For the sake of our children it is time to reinstate the ancient British tradition of shower-time sodomy."
She added: "We're also looking at a system of carbon offsetting whereby a prisoner can have a private shower at the weekend as long as he agrees to be buggered on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays."
There was a mixed reaction within the prison system with some inmates suggesting that showering alone was usually more convenient than being set upon by a gang of sex starved maniacs.
Wayne Hayes, a fine defaulter from Reading, said: "To be honest, I think I'll probably just get some extra deodorant and wash my hair in the sink."
But Roy Hobbs, the recently appointed Mr Big at Belmarsh, stressed: "When I say drop the soap, you drop the soap. Do you understand me boy?"
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