Scientists discover crabs can swear

17-01-13

CRABS are capable of verbalising obscenities, it has emerged.

It's fucking freezing in here

It’s fucking freezing in here

Researchers into whether crustaceans can feel pain discovered that if you listen carefully when dropping them into very hot water you can hear a stream of filth.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We attached a waterproof microphone to a brown crab then chucked it into a pot.

“It was clearly saying ‘fucking hell’, ‘shit the fucking sea bed’ and ‘my frigging exoskeleton’s on fucking fire’.

“As you can imagine, it was a great moment for science as we sat listening to the tiny, chittery voice saying ‘I’ll fucking get you for this, you monkey bastards’ over the lab speakers.”

Further research revealed that crabs swear all the time, not just when they are being boiled alive.

Professor Brubaker said: “Although they do use the word ‘fuck’ crabs don’t have penises, so instead crab swearing refers to reproductive organs called gonopods.

“A crab that is arguing with a rival will typically say, ‘Suck my gonopods, gono-face’ or ‘Go claw yourself’.

“They are fascinating creatures.”

 

 

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