Scots Demand Huge Increase In Global Warming

A MAJORITY of Scots are backing a total reliance on fossil fuels in a bid to deliver up to three months of t-shirt weather every year.

It's not a power station, it's a sunshine factory

According to research by Dundee University, most Scots believe they have been let down by the first phase of global warming and want environmental groups like Greenpeace to, "shut their holes".

More than 70% would like to see wind farms demolished and replaced by gigantic machines that do nothing but emit carbon dioxide and methane, while 65% are calling for a moratorium on trees.

The survey also found a large majority want the Scottish Executive to stop investing in wave power and instead use the money to buy everyone a Range Rover.

Climatologist Bill McKay said: "It seems most Scots would happily accept rising sea levels, crop failures and forest fires if it meant a summer that lasted for more than 12 hours."

He added: "There are a number of things you can do such as washing your clothes three or four times a day or using 'mute' instead of the 'off' button on your TV.

"You may also want to picket railway stations or throw manure at people who use the bus."

Tom Logan, 42, an accountant from Giffnock, said: "It's the middle of June. It's the middle. Of fucking. June."