Stupid f**king hats everywhere

BRITAIN was awash with stupid hats, it has emerged.

As the cold weather continued trainee solicitor Julian Cook wore a brightly patterned Inca hat with his business suit that made him look like he had escaped from a mental hospital.

In Colchester, accountant Helen Archer went for the retro communist look with a cheap Russian-style fake fur hat from Millets. Everyone said she was an arsehole.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Too many people these days are using cold weather as a way of expressing their unbearable personalities.

“If it is very cold and you are tempted to go outside, at least think about buying a hat that isn’t stupid. You may have seen some of them in the shops when you were buying your stupid hat.”

Meanwhile, in Glasgow a young man wore a Fair Isle patterned wool skullcap teamed with a grey duffel coat and red cord trousers and was shouted at so much that he started to cry.