UK braced for mediocre weather photography
WINTER weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.
Arctic conditions across the UK are expected to drive people with too much time on their hands into a frenzy of pointless weather-based amateur photography.
But veteran life coach, Roy Hobbs, said: “Snowy things are far less of a novelty than you think they are. Stay indoors.
“You may think that lone bird on a fencepost looks exceptionally picturesque against a seasonal backdrop, but no-one else gives a tuppenny fuck.
“Your relatives might feign interest when you show off the contents of your new 1000-image strong ‘snowpics’ computer folder, but they will be bored. By the time you get to the 26th picture of the half-melted snowman, they’ll be thinking about the last time they had sex.”
He added: “There are a very limited amount of weather types – perhaps six if you include ‘cloudy’ – and they all occur fairly regularly. Consequently they are each pictorially well-documented.
“You can go balls-out crazy with your Photoshop filters, but the sharp observer will see through such tawdry gimmicks.”
Retired bank manager Tom Logan said: “I’ve developed an interest in digital photography to partially compensate for a feeling that could be described as ’emptiness’.
“I find weather photography particularly inspiring, whether it’s snow-capped hills at dawn or artsy close-ups of parched soil.
“Well maybe inspiring is a bit strong. Semi-inspiring.”