Wales returns to being an undersea kingdom
THE country of Wales has returned to its natural submerged state.
The Welsh, a semi-aquatic race of people with translucent white skin and prominent gills, are ecstatic at their long-awaited return to Neptune’s Kingdom after their rituals successfully summoned torrential rain.
Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales, said: “It’s been hell living next-door to you disgusting pink hot-breathed English with your easily-spoken language, pawing at our women with your nasty dry hands.
“If it wasn’t for the constant drizzle that’s enveloped our proud nation for the last two millennia we would have died long ago, but thank Father Dagon our nightmare is over.
“Wales is back in the briny where it belongs, and the first clutches of our offspring are already hatching in the ruins of your static caravans.
“English residents who have gathered on higher ground are welcome to stay, as long as they don’t mind us rising from the sea on misty nights and slaughtering them in their beds.”
Groups of marooned tourists have been dragged to either the ‘mating chambers’ or underwater branches of Spa, where their corpses will be stored until they are sufficiently rotten to be consumed.
But Jones stressed that the country remains open for business, and Cardiff’s thriving nightlife is expected to continue with hen and stag parties donning scuba gear to tour submarine bars.
Meanwhile ‘Songstress of the Sea’ Charlotte Church will promote Welsh aqua-tourism by appearing in a tank on The Graham Norton Show, showing off her new mermaid’s tail with two shells covering her floating bosoms.