Wasps - in November, says everyone

14-11-11

THERE are still wasps, everyone told everyone else this morning.

Britain is sick of Attenborough's lies

The unseasonably warm autumn has meant that millions of wasps across Britain are refusing to die, leading to conversations about them.

And now experts are warning that if the mild weather continues it could cause an unprecedented gap between conversations about television programmes.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Our National Conversation Grid is showing nothing but wasps for at least another 72 hours.

“Someone in Stevenage will mention something called ‘Kitty from the X Factor’ but no-one will hear them. And in Doncaster a man will say how much he is enjoying the new David Attenborough thing, prompting a random passer-by to say ‘frozen planet, my giddy arse’ and then show him a photo of a really big wasp that they took with their iPhone while they were spending the afternoon in the park.

“In November.”

Professor Brubaker also warned that unless the wasps disappear soon it could cause many people to venture into wildly ill-informed conversations about anthropogenic global warming.

He added: “Then, in their confused state, they may stagger blindly into a Daily Telegraph comment thread, where their brain will die within about four seconds.”

Tom Logan, from Peterborough, told his workmates: “I’m sitting outside – in November – having a pint and there it was, a bloody great wasp, going about its business without a care in the world.

“In November.

“I nudged my mate Dave, pointed at the wasp and said ‘November’. And he looked at it, shook his head and then eventually said ‘November’.

“I’ll never forget it.”

 

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