Staying up all night playing computer games not insomnia, teenagers told

PLAYING Red Dead Redemption until dawn is not a recognised medical condition, doctors have confirmed.

Woman shunned by friends for liking aerobics

A WOMAN who enjoys exercise without any spiritualism or bullshit attached is being ignored by her friends.

Fussy eaters are pain in the arse at DNA level

FUSSY eaters are an absolute ballache to be around at a genetic level, scientists have discovered.

Woman pretty much announces she's pregnant by turning down glass of wine

A WOMAN has more or less announced that she is pregnant by turning down the offer of alcohol.

Doctors refuse to see anyone who arrives with a fag and a can of Monster

DOCTORS will no longer see patients who arrive with a cigarette in one hand and an energy drink in the other.

Man unaware he was an alcoholic until doing a questionnaire

A MAN has found out in the nick of time that he is chronically addicted to alcohol after doing a questionnaire on a website.

Old jar of lime pickle desperately needs to go in bin

THE ancient jar of lime pickle in your fridge door must be thrown away immediately, experts have confirmed.

Drinkers demand cure for arsehole alcohol personality

DRINKERS have demanded a cure for the weird and aggressive personality that seems to take over when they are extremely pissed.