Health

Man to just have chips for dinner

A GROWN man has announced that he will be having nothing more than a plate of chips for his dinner tonight.

Pensions now worth enough for one big bender

THE average British pension will now fund one proper night out when you finally reach retirement, financial advisers have confirmed.

Middle class children exposed to dangerous levels of sourdough

MIDDLE class children are in danger of regarding sourdough bread as normal, experts have warned.

Addiction warnings on heroin packaging ‘the nanny state gone mad’

HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.

Sex education to be compulsory for people who are particularly bad at sex

THE government is to make sex education compulsory for all UK citizens who are terrible at sex, it has confirmed.

Only even numbers of fruit and vegetables are healthy, experts declare

NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.

Millions of Britons 'complacent about their drinking ability'

MANY Britons wrongly assume they can still drink as much as they used to, it has emerged.

NHS told to stop splashing out on fancy operations

THE NHS must stop frittering money on fancy operations with all the latest equipment and drugs, ministers have claimed.