Health

‘Mediterranean diet’ translated as pizza

BRITONS have decided that pizza is the main component of a Mediterranean diet.

Britain begins four month period of feeling a bit ill

EVERYONE in Britain will be fighting something off until further notice.

We will get sugar somehow, promise kids

CHILDREN have confirmed that they will find sugar wherever it is hidden because they love it.

Kids with e-cigarettes getting bullied

SCHOOLCHILDREN smoking vapour-based cigarettes are being mocked by their peers, it has emerged.

Roll-up smokers impervious to health warnings

THE government is to remove health advice from rolling tobacco packets because the people who buy them simply do not care.

Health experts somehow come up with perfectly reasonable idea

PUTTING a calorie count on alcohol labels is not annoying or patronising, it has emerged.

Medical schools forgot to include dementia, admits BMA

THE British Medical Association has admitted that doctors have not been trained in ‘brain stuff’.

Honey Monster has diabetes

THE Honey Monster is suffering from type 2 diabetes, it has emerged.