Health

Typical glass of British tap water now 70 per cent ham

ORDINARY British tap water is now mostly ham, experts have confirmed.

Balding man chooses just the right moment to begin shaving his head

A BALDING man has been acclaimed by friends for calling the moment to begin shaving his head just perfectly.

The 'NSH' or whatever it's called is my top priority, says Hunt

JEREMY Hunt has confirmed that solving the problems of the National Whatsiscalled Service is his key focus whenever he is not busy.

Family whose mum feeds them on £3 a day spending £42 a day on snacks

A FAMILY whose mother boasts of providing them with healthy, nutritious meals for £3 a day secretly spend £294 a week on junk food.

Woman instantly transforms into vile hag on reaching 40

A WOMAN has instantly become a hideous crone upon reaching her 40th birthday.

May tells GPs to offer Thai cooking classes

THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.

Woman quietly swaps 'Veganuary' for enormous amount of cheddar

A WOMAN who would not shut up about going vegan for a month has gorged herself on cheddar like an animal.

Hospitals not on fire yet, insists May

THERESA May has reminded everyone that the NHS has yet to burn to the ground.