Health

'Free spirit' has 48 very specific dietary requirements

A WOMAN who is really happy to ‘go with the flow’ also won’t eat anything without first thoroughly inspecting the ingredients list.

Health experts confirm smug coffee drinking bastards were right

EVANGELISTS for the wonders of coffee have become even more intolerable after scientists confirmed it is good for your health.

Busy mum taking her wine intravenously

A MOTHER has streamlined her wine consumption by feeding it directly into her bloodstream.

Everything in man's shopping basket has cheese on it or will have cheese added to it

A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.

Man who has taken up boxing getting punched a lot

A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.

We only need four hours' sleep, say very tired liars

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.

Doctors' surgeries to become terrifying sex clubs, say old people

PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.

‘Self-soothing’ is bollocks, says baby

A BABY girl has confirmed that 'self-soothing' as a way to get her to settle at night is a load of  bollocks.