Alcohol Cravings Reduced By Alcohol, Says Alcoholic

CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night. 

Is there anything more civilised than a glass of peach schnapps, followed by another 18 glasses of peach schnapps?

William McKay, a problem drinker, said new drug treatments had temporarily reduced his desire for alcohol but were still less effective than two cans of Sweetheart Stout.

Mr McKay said: "As soon as I took the drugs I felt giddy and euphoric, but then again I was probably still a bit pissed.

"After about half an hour my senses were sharper and I felt balanced, relaxed and desperately in need of a drink." 

Mr McKay stressed the drug treatment is not only expensive to produce but has to be injected directly into his brain, unlike Scrumpy Jack, which he can 'neck' in less than a minute.

Insisting the drugs were unlikely to change his daily routine, he said very strong ciders remained the best way to start the day, second only to Cheerios.

Mr McKay added: "Things really pick up around 11am and after seven or eight vodkas and Irn Bru I'm ready for work.

"God, I love being a surgeon."