Baldness anxiety cured by not giving a shit
MALE hair loss-related anxiety can be cured by growing a pair of balls and getting on with it, it has emerged.
As scientists claim a baldness cure will hit pharmacies within two years, researchers at the Institute for Studies have found a link between worrying about hair loss and being unmanly.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “There are all kinds of terrible medical complaints that kill you, having some follicles fall out isn’t one of them.
“If a man is freaking out about such a relatively paltry thing he’s either way too self-absorbed or has been ‘turned’ by the trend for marketing male vanity as something that is socially acceptable.
“They need to remember that nothing with a pair of testicles attached to it can ever be truly beautiful, despite what the magazines say.”
Bald men who are just fine include Bruce Willis and Sean Connery, both of whom have managed to hold down jobs and have some sex.
36-year-old male pattern baldness sufferer Tom Logan said: “I was spending a fortune on pills containing ‘Hair-o-mine’ and weird roll-ons made from donkey’s adrenal glands.
“It was my girlfriend who suggested I stop whining like a baby animal and start acting like a penis owner.”