Britons stockpiling utterly useless cold remedies

AS the temperature plummets, Britons are rushing to purchase cold and flu remedies that do fuck all.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I know the common cold is incurable, but…but…

“But these capsules come in a box with a picture of a lemon on. That must mean something.”

Cold sufferer Stephen Malley said: “I’ve just taken quadruple the recommended dosage on every cold remedy I could lay my snot-soiled hands on.

“Still feel shit though. What gives?”