Crocs Link To Smugness And Idiocy

WEARING Crocs shoes will transform you from a normal adult into a horribly self-satisfied and “self-consciously whacky tosser”, leading doctors warned last night.

Yes, they do make you look stupid. You tosser.

Donning the brightly coloured plastic footwear is likely to make middle class women believe their dress sense is a lot more interesting than it really is, the doctors added.

Their research suggests Crocs may also encourage such women to think they are “a bit kooky” and individual, when in reality they are just wearing stupid shoes aimed at kids, and copying all their friends.

Cherie Jackers, whose parents David and Enid are leading vegetarians and caravanners, said she loved her Crocs and had bought them for all the family.

She said: “When I was at school I was always considered to be a bit of a crazy one and I was forever having to tell my friends to not mind me because I was ‘a bit mad’.

“So you can imagine Crocs are just perfect for me, they show everyone I am not just a sweaty mum with bad hair, but a really interesting individual with interesting and individual taste, just like the millions of other interesting and individual mums who wear Crocs too.”

Mrs Jackers said the shoes were “fantabulous” because she could wear them with anything, including her favourite grey jogging trousers with the bobbles and the saggy bum.

She said: “It doesn’t matter if the colours clash, or if the Crocs look stupid and out of place. In fact that’s the point of them. It just proves I’m totally crazy.”

Chloe Jackers, 11, and her brother Sam, 10, said their mother was “an embarrassment” and that while Crocs were “all right for five year olds I suppose” they were planning to burn theirs and run away from home.

Dr Raj Peshwar, a behaviourial psychologist and expert on the middle classes who conducted the research project, said Mrs Jackers was “unbearably smug” and a “total fucker”. “I hope she dies, horribly,” he added.