Fill Up The Boot With Cats, Say Britain's Fatties
PET shops all over Britain have been besieged by fat men demanding their car boots be filled up with cats.
Bill McKay, owner of Cat-Tastic in Bristol, said he had sold out by midday as hundreds of overweight men stocked up on the latest cure for heart disease.
McKay said: "As soon as I opened the door there was all these chunky blokes, crowding round me. It was like a fat zombie movie.
"One guy reverses up in his Volvo estate, opens the tailgate and says, 'fill it until I say when'.
"At one point, I says to Lisa, 'Lisa, shut the door, or we're getting flattened in here' and she's like 'Bill I can't, this fat bastard's got his foot stuck and there's no way I can shift it'.
"So I gets a sack, stuffs in a load of Burmese and some British shorthairs and just throws it out in the street.
"One guy's got hold of a tortoiseshell tabby and he's saying to his mate 'what am I supposed to do? Stroke it, or eat it?'"
McKay added: "One poor bastard got here at four, says he's been everywhere and there's nothing left.
"I sat him down, but it was obvious he wasn't well. Next thing, he keels over. Heart attack. Took four of us to carry him out. He stank of pork."