Health not that important

YOUR health is not especially important, according to a new study.

After weeks of conflicting dietary advice in the media, researchers at the Institute for Studies concluded that health was over-emphasised compared to other lifestyle factors like pleasure.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Having a long life is all very well, but what if that life is utterly tedious? Happiness is impossible to quantify but resting heart rate and body weight are, which is why really dull people obsess about those things.

“They are still going to die though.

“If you compare someone who exercises every day to someone who gets pissed every other night, the former might live ten or 15 years longer. It’s not a lot when you think about it. It’s questionable whether it’s worth bothering.”

Professor Brubaker added that health was particularly unimportant as most humans will never amount to much anyway.

“For the vast majority of us, what we do work-wise is fairly routine and doesn’t involve discovering or inventing anything particularly great.

“So if we die a bit early it’s not that big a deal, humanity isn’t particularly going to lose out.”