Injecting Foul Smelling Gas Directly Into Your Penis Will Improve Sex Life, Say Experts

04-03-09

INJECTING the foul stench of rotten eggs directly into your flaccid penis will soon replace Viagra as the world's leading treatment for erectile dysfunction, scientists claimed last night.

You never know

Researchers from the Instituto per Studi in Naples said hydrogen sulphide was a key component in the erection process, apart from when released by a female during cunnilingus when it tended to have the opposite effect, unless you were some kind of demented pervert.

Lead researcher Dr Guillermo Mancini said: "You bring bella signora back to your stylish, candle-lit appartamento.

"You open nice bottle of Lambrusco, maybe have some oyster for her to swallow. She soon get message.

"You dim lights, put on Joe Dolce LP and then feed her asparago con burro which she eat in a highly erotic fashion, mimicking act of sesso orale, yes?.

"She now totally imbavagliare but niente is stirring in your pantaloni. Is no worry! You hand her gas mask, open window, spray room with Oust, get out your giant syringe and inject 50ml of stinking bum-gas directly into the base of your muscolo di amore.

"Forty-five minutes later you are having sesso magnifico, unless she make mistake of removing gas mask in which case all bets are off."

Emma Cook, the wife of a malfunctioning erection from Newcastle, said: "I'm tellin' you now, it could be as hard as a fuckin' breeze block but you're not comin' anywhere near me with a cock full o' farts."

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