Man visits Post Office without catching anything

16-12-11

A 38-YEAR-OLD male has confounded medical experts by visiting a post office in December without getting anything infectious.

I'd like some stamps and a new host organism for my pox

It had been widely accepted among doctors that any trip to the post office in the busy pre-Christmas period would result in some form of virulent contagion.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Post offices are traditionally where sickly people go to cough and sneeze freely, because they’d rather not get their own homes covered in bacteria.

“These places also have a special etiquette whereby it is fine to stand up against a stranger, chest actually touching their back, and cough into their hair until you either feel better or drop dead.

“This combined with the lengthy queuing time makes a bacterial ‘perfect storm’ where you are certain to contract anything from mumps to the ‘Andromeda Strain’ of space flu.”

Despite this, father-of-two Tom Logan has developed no obvious symptoms in the week since going to post a book.

He said: “I was there for 45 minutes and counted at least 438 separate coughs, ranging from dry and wheezy to a thick catarrh-y sound like someone dragging an angry pig through mud.

“Probably I could’ve gone in the shorter, express queue but there was someone with visible leprosy spending twenty quid on Lucky Dip scratch cards.

“I keep thinking I feel something in the back of my throat. But maybe it’s just paranoia.”

Professor Brubaker said: “It’s possible he possesses some previously-undiscovered antibody.

“Interestingly he also seems to be immune to annoyance from those inane, superfluous video adverts for the Post Office that play on video screens above the counter, seemingly to raise awareness of the place that you’re already in. So maybe it’s a temperament thing.”

 

 

 

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