One In Four Teens Pretending To Be Depressed

24-04-08

ONE in four teenagers is in a really bad place right now which is making them, like, incredibly sad and stuff, a new study reveals. 

Arse

Nobody understands them, and adults all treat them like kids even though they are way more grown-up than they were at this age, and all do sex and drugs and everything.

It is also really unfair to have to come home from the party at midnight, and so embarrassing to get picked up from the door, and not from around the corner like was said earlier.

Sixth former Nikki Hollis said: "I just know that bitch Erin gave Sean a handjob at the housey I couldn't go to after I was grounded over the bong, and my hair looks awful.

"My friend Claire said they were in there for ages, and when they came out, his flies were all buttoned wrong, and the stupid cow had her skirt in her knickers.

"Apparently she's insisting nothing happened, but my gay friend Geoff says it's all over the men’s toilets."

Chris Cooper, a gap year student, said he was sure he had a spot coming on the end of his nose and that he wanted to kill himself.

He said: "I’m going to work in an African village next week and I look like a walking traffic light. It’s the worse thing that could ever happen to anyone, ever."

However, leading youth psychologist Henry Brubaker said: "It’s true, the world really does revolve around you, you snivelling bag of self-pitying hormonal tossers."

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