Opal Fruits Count Towards Five-A-Day, Confirm Experts

DIETARY experts have moved to end confusion over healthy eating by confirming that a packet of Opal Fruits does count towards the five-a-day target.

No more than three a week

A survey by the British Association of Diet, Food, Lifestyle and Performance (BADFLAP) found that more than 80% of people had forgotten how to eat.

Dr Wayne Hayes, head of research at BADFLAP, said: "People are becoming more confused about what food actually is.

"About a fifth of our respondents had been eating nothing but housebricks after reading an article in the Radio Times.

"More than half had no idea that you can get your five-a day from vitamin-packed superfoods like Opal Fruits or blackcurrant Chewits."

Dr Hayes added: "The elements of a healthy diet are very simple: peanut butter, sausages, chewy sweets, Bailey's Irish Cream and a deep-fried egg."

He stressed that high-calorie foods such as housebricks, paving slabs or large chunks of industrial plastic are fine, but only as an occasional treat.

"It's actually very dangerous to remove paving slabs from your diet altogether," said Dr Hayes.

"You'll feel listless, you'll smell like a badger and you'll have to transform your workspace into a high-performance toilet."