Tiresome health fanatics pretending they need to lose weight

07-01-16

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FITNESS obsessives across the UK are claiming they need to lose weight after Christmas, it has emerged.

Thousands of fit, toned self-absorbed individuals are strangely concerned about losing weight gained over the festive season, despite looking exactly the same as they did before.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “My colleague Clare keeps going on about ‘getting rid of the Christmas bulge’, which is odd because she doesn’t drink, has the body fat ratio of a sinewy monkey and did a triathlon on Boxing Day.

“I’d worry she was mentally ill if I didn’t realise it was just a devious way of showing off, like when she pretended to be annoyed about wearing out another pair of trainers.”

Fitness instructor Tom Logan said: “I got really out of shape during Christmas. Obviously I skipped the turkey and potatoes, but those sprouts can play hell with your metabolic rate.

“I’ve definitely put on a bit of weight around my abs, which means I have to keep showing them to women to illustrate how I intend to get back in shape.

“When I’m back to my target weight I’ll have to find another way to bring my physical fitness into the conversation. Maybe a marathon. For charity, of course.”

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