UK to ignore warnings and shotgun six jars of Dolmio tonight as usual

BRITONS are to ignore the manufacturer’s recommendation to only eat Dolmio once a week and chug six jars tonight, like every Friday. 

Despite Dolmio pasta sauces being labelled as ‘occasional’ products, the majority of consumers say that at least two jars are required to get a proper buzz on.

Builder Stephen Malley said: “When I get home the wife’s usually already got a jar on the go for herself and one ready on the table for me.

“We clink them together in a toast to the weekend and then I neck mine in one go, gulping back that thick, bolognese goodness with my eyes closed.

“I have another with my fish and chips and then I’m in my usual spot in front of the telly with the empty jars rattling around on the floor.

“Never touch it at work though. Mate of mine started hitting it at lunchtime, all red and chunky round his mouth and on his shirt.

“Got fired, lost his wife and family, ended up on the streets swigging Ragu. Poor bastard.”