100 Nations Agree To Kill People Differently

ONE hundred nations last night signed a treaty agreeing to kill people without using cluster bombs.

Oh yes, that's much more civilised

The new treaty means the signatories will now be forced to use one of the thousands of other weapons at their disposal when wiping out entire villages of brown people.

Defence analyst Dr Tom Logan said: "From now on the 'cluster bomb' button will be covered up with masking tape, forcing the pilot to use the his '50mm cannon' toggle or 'laser guided missile' switch instead.

"The downside is that a missile can only take out one building and all its occupants at a time, which means the pilot has to come back over and over again, resulting in higher fuel costs and overtime.

"I suspect cluster bombs may come back into fashion once oil starts heading towards $100 a barrel again."

Meanwhile, Britain has signed up to the cluster bomb treaty, but only after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled a £4 billion rescue package for the country's cluster bomb industry.

Mr Darling said: "This will allow British companies to diversify into slightly less jaw-droppingly horrifying weapons such as giant machine guns and flamethrowers, that sort of stuff."

Dr Logan added: "The only drawback with this treaty is that America, China and Russia have refused to sign it, thereby rendering it completely and utterly pointless.

"But at least the enemies of Togo will meet fiery death in a significantly less clustered way."