Andre 3000 To Run For President Of Funkadonia
OUTKAST sex hurricane AndrÃ© ‘3000’ Benjamin has launched a bid to become President of the People’s Funkpublic of Funkadonia.
3000 said he wanted to reverse the effects of sitting president Herbie Hancock’s attempt to move the country towards a smooth, jazz-fusion kind of groove.
He added: “We got to funk this shit up and get things popping. You need to get with my luscious values, my baby suga dolls.
“Let me spell some shit out for you – You are going to love me and I am going to make your lives so creamy sweet.
“There will be peace, prosperity and a blast of shit-hot funk coming down the pipe for all my groovy honey babies.”
For the last four years 3000 has been a leading member of Funkadonia’s legislature, the Parliament of Funkadelic, where he introduced a landmark bill to shake it like a Polaroid picture.
The campaign ‘3000 2012’ will be managed by his ultra-funky business associate Fonzworth Bentley, while there is already speculation over who he will choose as his running mate with many supporters urging him to pick Chaka Khan, the first female mayor of Funkytown.
Funkadonian political analyst, Julian Cook, said: “3000 is regarded very much as a modernist but with strong traditionalist roots who is very comfortable referring to the sleeve notes of Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow or Standing on the Verge of Getting it On.
“A 3000-Chaka ticket would appeal to not only the Earth, Wind and Fire middle class, but some of the less militant elements of the P-Funk dominated trade unions.”
He added: “No-one is doubting his ability to get this joint funking, but the ultimate test is whether or not voters can picture him coming down the steps of Funkforce One while the Band of the Funk-Marines plays Hail to the Funk.”