Arm teachers, say unspeakable pieces of shit
TEACHERS should be given assault rifles, America’s bastard pieces of shit said last night.
Right-wing Republicans responded to the country’s latest and most heart-breaking massacre by being their usual horrific fucking selves.
Texas Congressman Louis Gomhert reckoned the absolute best thing he could say was that the teachers should have been armed, but then refused to admit he was a festering turd who should be made to say sorry forever.
And Larry Pratt, head of the Gun Owners of America, insisted it was gun control supporters who had ‘little children’s blood on their hands’ in a move psychiatrists said was either pathologically sadistic or some kind of Tourettes Syndrome.
But Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Don’t let them off the hook with talk of ‘mental illness’.
“They really are just horrendous bastards who drink from an open sewer and then breathe it over everyone.”
He added: “I like it when they argue they need assault weapons to protect themselves from the ‘tyranny of their own government’. The American government has aircraft carriers.”
Meanwhile, the National Rifle Association finally broke its silence to pay tribute to 26 new pairs of cold dead hands.
And constitutional experts confirmed that the ‘right to bear arms’ would continue to be noisy and have lots of friends, many of whom are quiet loners.