Backpacker To Explain Why He Smells Of Prostitutes
THE 19 year-old British backpacker found after two weeks in the Australian outback will today be asked to explain why he smells so strongly of prostitutes and gin.
Jamie Neale, from North London, was reported missing hours after he failed to return from a night out in Sydney. He is now being treated in hospital for chronic dehydration and exposed parts.
Sergeant Tom Logan, of the New South Wales police, said: "He couldn't give us any real detail about where he had been, but he did reek of alcohol and cheap sex and had an enormous smile on his face.
"Other than that we have absolutely no reason to believe he has spent the last fortnight in a brothel, having round the clock sex with prostitutes from every corner of the globe and slurping home made gin from a bucket.
"Even though, as we told him, it is very easy to lose track of time in a situation like that. You wake up one day, realise you've probably been declared missing and then head for the hills while frantically pulling your trousers up."
Jamie said: "I can honestly say, with hand on heart, that the last two weeks have been the most intense of my young life.
"I admit I do smell a bit strange but that's because I was attacked by a badger on heat and the only food I could find were those berries that they use to make gin."
He added: "I will be coming home as soon as possible mainly because all my money was stolen by an owl."