Belfast City Hall flies picture of Sherlock Holmes kissing a dolphin
BELFAST councillors hope to prevent further rioting by replacing the union flag with a bizarre image of Benedict Cumberbatch embracing a dolphin.
The city’s current unrest was sparked by the council’s decision to fly the union flag only when the Queen might be looking.
In a bid to quell tensions, Belfast councillors have adopted an alternative flag depicting Benedict Cumberbatch canoodling an aquatic mammal.
Councillor Mary Fisher said: “We did consider a few other designs before settling on this one – two kittens and a pair of tits, Rizzle Kicks on fire, and my favourite, David Attenborough eating a Bounty.
“But the Sherlock/dolphin combination is uniquely endearing and engenders nothing but good feeling.
“We also feel it’s a major leap forward in flag design, as let’s face it they mostly look like ZX Spectrum ‘loading’ screens.”
Councillor Stephen Malley added: “The new flag is surprisingly arousing. When people see it, instead of throwing bottles at the police, they usually want some private time at home.”
However, hopes for a peaceful night in Belfast may prove short-lived. An army of Doctor Who fans is marching on the city, outraged that their icon has been overlooked.
One fan said yesterday: “In Doctor Who’s fiftieth anniversary year, only one man should be on a flag kissing a dolphin, and that is Matt Smith, or possibly Tom Baker.
“By the time we’ve finished with them, Belfast is going to look like Skaro, the war-ravaged home planet of the Daleks.”