I have no f**king idea where I’m going with this, admits Kim Jong-un

KIM Jong-un is not really sure what his nuclear weapons programme is meant to achieve, he has admitted.

The North Korean dictator now feels it may have been a mistake to spend a large part of his country’s GDP antagonising powerful enemies with absolutely nothing to gain.

Jong-un said: “I should have done a nuclear programme ‘aims and objectives’ document, or at least a ‘pros and cons’ list.

“To be honest I got carried away with how cool the missiles looked and didn’t plan ahead about who I was going to threaten with nuclear devastation.

“Sure I’d like to conquer South Korea, but even China will kick my arse if I try anything there. And Christ knows why I threatened Japan. I must have been really bored that afternoon.

“Now I’ve got this crappy missile project and no idea what to do with it. Maybe we could turn it into some sort of ‘nuclear rocket train’. Would that work, or am I just talking bollocks?

“Next time I have a crazy megalomaniacal idea I’m going to run it past other people first. This will teach me to keep executing my close advisors with an anti-aircraft gun.

“I suppose we could use the rockets to build a massive fortress on the moon. No…it’s that sort of thinking that got me into this mess in the first place.”