Ibiza attracts record number of morons

PARTY island Ibiza is enjoying a bumper season with over 900,000 morons flying in.

Club promoters have hailed the influx of morons, half-wits and imbeciles as further evidence of a global clubbing renaissance.

DJ Tom Logan, who runs the Sexy Gurnfest Deluxe club night, said: “Last night’s party was solid, wall-to-wall morons.

“Morons are the backbone of this industry because it is absurdly easy to get their cash, they pretty much throw it at you.

“I said, ‘Morons put your hands in the air!’ and they all responded obediently like the sweaty bovines that they are. Then I said ‘Morons make some noise!’ and they all mooed and bleated.

“I kind of hate my life but Jesus Christ I am making so much money, I’ve had to rent a massive yacht just to store my cash – a cash yacht.”

Nikki Hollis works at superclub Robot, operating the VIP hand dryer: “The normal hand dryer is a tenner per go, but the VIP hand dryer is fifty quid. People ask me what the difference is and I tell them ‘the VIP hand dryer is for VIPs’.

“Then they give me fifty quid.”

Moron Emma Bradford said: “I want to see someone from reality television playing lab rat music off a laptop in an environment where drinks are about fifteen quid.

“I am having the stupid time of my idiot life.”