In our defence we didn't think you were thick enough for this to work, says Russia

31-10-17

RUSSIA has defended its interference in Western elections by saying it did not think we would actually be moronic enough for it to work. 

Cyberwar operatives have admitted that their meddling was only meant to be a warm-up and that we have largely ourselves to blame for their success. 

A Russian source said: “We don’t know a lot about elections. They’re not really our thing. 

“So in preparation for our proper go at it in 2020, we scheduled a rehearsal with a joke reality star in America and our long-standing agent Farage who’s only over there because we don’t want him here. 

“We ran a load of Facebook ads, we funnelled some money into campaigns, we used all our openly dirty operatives because why waste the deep-cover guys on a practice run, and we only fucking won. 

“Putin’s kicking himself. He says, ‘We went through 40 years of Cold War and their democracy topples when you push with one finger?’ 

“Anyway, we’re getting rid of Trump and getting one of our proper people in for the US, but in Britain which does not matter we will make a squirrel prime minister. 

“Be honest, you would vote for a squirrel.” 

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