Kim Jong Un waiting on IT support
APOCALYPSE facilitator Kim Jong Un will start his new job as soon as IT has helped him login to his work computer.
The North Korean leader has ordered a three-month period of mourning, punishable by death, while Brian from IT shows him how to manage the country’s terrifying doomsday network using Outlook Express.
British ambassador Tom Logan said: “Under the previous regime most recruitment issues were referred to the Human Resources crocodiles, so succession planning hasn’t been the smoothest.
“Jong Un spent an hour at reception this morning explaining to the security guard that he hadn’t been issued his photo ID yet.
“The first thing he did when he got to his desk was ask which department deals with having people’s wrists broken for dicking him about.”
Meanwhile, the new leader has been asked to think of an eight-letter password for his desktop, ruling out ‘bornofheaven69’, which he uses at home.
He will also have to overcome the animosity of several generals passed over for the job with analysts warning that his plan to bring in a muffin basket every Friday might not be enough.
One unnamed general said: “I’ve been updating my CV every month since Jong Il had his stroke in 2008 and I’ve got a sensational Powerpoint presentation on how I’m the best man to crush our nation’s puny foes that they didn’t even look at.
“It just goes to show it’s not what you know that counts, it’s which psychopath’s ball-bag you were fired from.”