Libya facing civil war over how to kill Gaddafi

23-02-11

LIBYA was split down the middle last night over how Colonel Gaddafi should eventually be killed.

Crazy trial! Crazy trial!

Amid angry scenes some called for a kangaroo court and a hastily organised firing squad, while others are demanding a crazy show trial and a televised hanging.

The divisions over Gaddafi’s imminent death emerged minutes after the Libyan leader’s carefully planned charm offensive had somehow backfired.

In a warm and intelligent speech littered with good natured death threats, Gaddafi tried to ease the concerns of a furious population by saying they were all on drugs and that he would really like to massacre them.

But as Western nations began to evacuate their stranded Libyan oil money, millions of ordinary people said they would fight to the death over how Gaddafi should be executed.

Sulieman al-Kalifa, spokesman for the February Kangaroo Movement, said: “The Romanians didn’t dick about with Ceausescu. They scooped him out of a tank, took him to a canteen, asked his name and then whacked him behind a bike shed.

“The whole thing took about 20 minutes. Bish bash bosh. That’s got to be better than a lot of farting about.”

But Mohammed Bakra, deputy chairman of Crazy Trial Now, insisted a Ceausescu-style firing squad would deprive Libya and the world of an hilarious two-month court case.

He said: “Basically, we just stick him in a glass box and let him go mental.

“It will be very, very funny and we can make CDs and podcasts. You could sit on the tube listening to Colonel Gaddafi going on about cheese-flavoured Western pixie-devils and why you should never share a sleeping bag with a bearded man.”

He added: “I reckon we could get six, maybe eight weeks out of it before we get bored. Then we just find him guilty and hang him in the football stadium at seven o’clock on a Saturday night.

“We could get McFly to do the warm-up.”

 

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