Libyans appoint Charlie Sheen as transitional dictator
VICTORIOUS rebel leaders have installed former Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen as Libya’s interim lunatic, it has been announced.
Following the charming little death of Muammar Gaddafi, Sheen will occupy a temporary dictatorial role while National Transitional Council chiefs, many of whom have taken extended unpaid leave from work to wage bloody war on their corrupt leader, go and delete a shitload of emails.
An NTC spokesman said: “The important thing now is to keep the nation united against an egomaniacal freak until we work out what the fuck’s going on.
“Charlie Sheen should be sufficiently irritating to divert everyone from factional infighting, without actually doing any massacres. He’ll probably pass a decreee making it illegal to go to bed before 5am, something like that.
“Plus Sheen loves to surround himself with terrifying females, wears eccentric hats and has a tendency to offer out the world while waving guns around. So there’s a hint of nostalgia for the Gaddafi fans, too.”
The actor is expected to be installed in a palace over the weekend. According to sources, his agents are in ‘late-stage negotations’ over whether Sheen can have a moat full of adult film actresses riding great white sharks and a cockney elephant.
Libya’s former despot Muammar Gaddafi is believed to have died yesterday at the hands of rebel fighters, although internet ghouls have yet to officially confirm this.
Conspiracy fanatic Tom Logan said: “It’s interesting that in some of the pictures he looks pixellated.
“My guess is that the actual image of the ‘body’ was generated on a Commodore 64 then superimposed on a backdrop of gun-toting film extras.
He added: “You’ll have to excuse me now, I’m late for several appearances on actual television news.”