Monti pledges to deskankify Italian politics

ITALY’S new prime minister has begun the deskankification of the country’s politics.

Italians need to get sexy office jobs

Within minutes of his appointment Mario Monti, a famous technocrat, warned that Italy was in need of an emergency slapperectomy.

He said: “I ask for your patience and your support as I begin the historic task of unbungarisation.

“I may be a humble technocrat but that does not mean I have never lusted after a nubile young hostess, her stunning boobs perched so high on her chest she needs a chin guard.

“It does not mean I have never pictured her dancing for me and lashing my face with her long, dark ponytail while I jam a fistful of euros into her g-string.

“It does not mean that I have never dreamt of being led by my tie into a boudoir where she and two of her friends show me the true meaning of public service.

“Anyway, we’ll be having no more of that, thank you very much indeed.”

Monti added: “These young women will have to put on some clothes, go to secretarial college and get themselves proper jobs.

“The party is over. It’s time to put on a pair of spectacles, cross their long, silky legs and take dictation – that’s if they can keep that pencil out of their mouth for five minutes.”

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “I don’t think this is going to work.”