Nothing To Fear From German Economic Collapse, Say Experts

THE world has nothing to fear from the collapse of the German economy, experts insisted last night. 

Absolutely nothing to worry about

As the Polish and Czech currencies plummeted and prime minister Gordon Brown flew to Munich, Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said Germans were excellent at dealing with economic disruption and were very unlikely to follow a far right demagogue into a hugely destructive global war.

Any difficulties the country did face would be dealt with by the mass production of a small family car, the construction of a motorway network and a vast and terrifying programme of re-armament.

Brubaker said: "We've been here before, and if history is our guide, the German people will all pull together, whatever creed or colour, to get out of this mess.

"Then again, and this is purely a precaution, if you do live in Strasbourg you'll probably want to tape up your windows and get some sandbags in.

"And I'd also suggest that Gypsies get a haircut, a nice shirt and a tie and do their best to develop a Bavarian accent."

He added: "For some reason, which none of us can fathom, some joker keeps on taking all the batteries out the smoke alarms in the Reichstag."

Leading German industrialists said the country's best hope now lay in the development of a fast new battle tank and heavy investment in rocket technology.

Meanwhile French president Nicolas Sarkozy has suggested Nice or Biarritz as the capital of unoccupied France, insisting Vichy does not have a decent fish restaurant.