Putin To Propose At Sushi Restaurant

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin is to propose to his girlfriend at his favourite Moscow sushi restaurant, the Kremlin has announced. 

Do NOT have the salmon rolls

Putin has told friends that he is fallen in love with former gymnast Alina Kabaeva and hopes very much that he will not have to crush her.

The outgoing President said last night: "She very bendy, like pipe cleaner. Is good.

"She also understand importance of gas. We stay up all night, drink champagne, talk about gas. Then she bend for me. I very happy."

Putin has ordered a romantic evening at Moscow's premier sushi bar, including a judo demonstration and a short film about Russian exports.

He has also agreed a series of hand signals with the 'head waiter', depending on Miss Kabaeva's response.

"Bendy woman say 'yes', everyone have lovely evening. Good soup, a bit of fish. Maybe dancing.

"Bendy woman say 'no', waiter bring 'dish of day'. Two week later, bendy woman die in mysterious, polonium-related circumstance. It very sad."