Tea Party Ends With Traditional Throwing Of The Faeces
THE American Tea Party movement closed its convention yesterday with a traditional throwing of freshly deposited faeces.
Curious onlookers watched as the creatures, many of them dressed in human clothes, sat at a neatly prepared table and attempted to pour each other cups of water and share a plate of biscuits.
Mother-of-two Helen Archer said: "At first they looked like little hairy people enjoying some nice afternoon tea.
"But soon they were knocking over the cups and banging the teapot on the table. Then they abandoned the tea set altogether and started throwing big handfuls of faeces at each other. The children absolutely loved it."
Earlier the convention had given a rapturous welcome to the former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin as she was led slowly onto the stage wearing a child's dress and a pair of high heels.
The frenzied crowd performed somersaults as Mrs Palin screeched loudly and stuck her tongue out as far as it would go, before shoving her index finger into her anus and then licking it.
The event had been opened on Friday with a controversial speech by former congressman Tom Tancredo who made it clear that he was very angry about something, possibly the tightness of his nappy or the absence of readily available plums.
Zoologist Tom Logan said: "They are fascinating creatures and I love to watch them interact with each other and attempt to understand what it is they're trying to say.
"But you have to remember that they are just animals who sit around all day picking nits out of each other's hair and would fuck their own sisters at the drop of a hat."