Third World To Teach White People How To Walk

AS the price of oil climbs towards $150 a barrel, the Third World has offered to teach Europe and America how to walk.

Africa is home to the world's most skillful walkers

With millions of Western commuters descending into urine-soaked panic, African and Asian walking teachers are now preparing for a surge in demand for their services.

Thomas Otangwe, a walking consultant from Zaire, said: "I first learned to walk when I got a job as a farm labourer.

"The farm was 20 miles from my home, but for the first week I would stand in the street wondering where my beautiful car was. Eventually I realised I could not afford a car and so I began to walk.

"Walking is relatively simple. You start by putting one foot in front of the other and then slowly increase the rate until you have reached a steady pace.

"You should then continue in this way until you arrive at your chosen destination. This is the key to successful walking.

"You may want to stop along the way for a cup of tea or a snack, but remember: you will have to start walking again."

Mr Otangwe added: "We have produced a handy booklet with diagrams and an introduction to advanced walking, but be quick because the price is going up all the time."