Supreme Court to rule on eating shellfish
THE US Supreme Court is debating whether America should follow Biblical laws on eating shellfish.
The ban on ‘whatever is in the seas and waters that does not have fins or scales’ is passionately supported by conservatives.
However it faces opposition from Americans who experimented with shellfish in their youth, or have relatives or friends who have eaten shrimp.
Meanwhile, Republicans are accused of making political capital by fomenting hatred against so-called ‘Godless big-city mollusc-munchers’.
Norman Steele, from Dallas, said: “The Lord had it right, these are detestable things. Like it says on my t-shirt, flag and car – GOD HATES CRABS.”
But Tom Booker, from Pasadena, said: “We’re not forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want to. Why can’t you enjoy your chicken just because I’m lustily devouring a big shiny red lobster?”
Nikki Hollis, from Chicago, added: “If my friends and I want to munch on a juicy oyster, that’s what we’re going to do.
“These small-minded people are just losing their shit because secretly they want to feast on bivalves.”
The pro-shellfish lobby has accused their opponents of ignoring other verses of Leviticus which prohibit tattoos, wearing garments of mixed fabric, and homosexuality.
Norman Steele said: “Shit, I don’t care if a couple o’ dudes want to ride each other’s assholes all night – ain’t none of my beeswax. Long as they ain’t eatin’ no scallops at the same time.”