Xenophobes Welcome Huge, Stinking Metaphor

BRITAIN'S xenophobes were last night celebrating the arrival of an enormous, foul-smelling metaphor wafting over the channel from continental Europe.

The EU sewage factory in Strasbourg

As millions of people across southern England complained of a strong, sulphurous odour, politicians, newspaper columnists and right-wing bloggers scrambled to be the first to compare it to the familiar stench of EU corruption.

UK Independence Party leader, Nigel Farrage, said: "This is the same smell you encounter in a Strasbourg toilet.

"It's the smell of thousands of dirty Frenchman eating your tax money and washing it down with frog juice.

"Then they pull down their filthy trousers, squat over a massive, subsidised ditch and evacuate their corrupt, socialist bowels all over a photograph of Shakespeare."

Daily Mail columnist, Peter Hitchens, said: "It seems this foul odour is emanating not from the homosexual atheists at the BBC, but from that cesspit of state-funded multi-culturalism across the English Channel.

"Do we need any more proof that the European Union is worse than four asteroids hitting the Earth simultaneously and that Frenchmen are no better than diseased ferrets?"

Shadow foreign secretary, William Hague, told The World at One: "It would appear someone has inadvertently emptied the lavatories on the EU gravy train.

"Aren't foreigners a bunch of manky bastards?"