Anti-Ageing Creams Are 98% Bullshit, Say Scientists

WOMEN'S anti-ageing face creams contain up to 98% bullshit, according to a new study.

With added 'dermanoids'. Seventy-five quid.

Scientists who analysed a series of leading creams and ointments found that while they did not prevent visible ageing to any measurable degree, they did cost an awful lot of money.

According to the study Oil of Olay's Oil of Aloe was 97% bullshit, 2% washing up liquid and 1% Cup-a-Soup.

Loreal's Splendesse V-20 was a mixture of axle grease, marketing pish and brilliant white emulsion, possibly from Homebase.

Meanwhile Garnier's Ultra-Stop-Nature-System did contain trace amounts of vitamins G, M and L but was mainly pig fat and desperation.

Dr Stephen Malley, of the Institute for Studies, said: "The cosmetics industry has invested heavily in research and development to identify exactly the right level of scientific bullshit to use in their adverts.

"The most successful phrases so far are 'anti-oxidisational', 'firmness retention system' and the utterly meaningless combination of number and letters that is 'Derma-factor XJ-30'."

He added: "You'd be as well rubbing paté into your face or wrapping your head in clingfilm."