Apes ignore rectangular object

EARTH’S dominant ape species has reacted with indifference to the arrival of a mysterious black rectangle.

He's more into his bone

The four inch-screened oblong materialised in a quarry last night, near to where two rival ape groups had been fighting over some meat.

It is the fifth in a series of what may be communications from a mysterious, highly advanced civilisation, but the first to be largely ignored.

Previous mini-monoliths had been greeted with hooting, grunting and excited bone-hurling, and became catalysts for ape evolution.

Alpha male ape Tom Logan briefly ceased lobbing stones to admire his reflection in the latest object’s shiny surface, but it failed to sustain his interest.

Female Emma Bradford, who had been enraptured by the previous rectangles, curled her upper lip, sniffed the air, then defecated in her hand and threw it at Tom Logan.

She said: “Graaaaaar!”

Logan replied: “Ak. Gok. Rarrrr!”