Apple launches insipid music service

11-06-13

APPLE fans are to get a 24-hour stream of the dull, insipid folk and ‘electronica’ that they like via iTunes radio.

Perfect for your tedious, comfortable existence

Perfect for your tedious, comfortable existence

Marketing chief Phil Schiller unveiled the Apple corporation’s new radio service, promising to deliver the sort of utterly ineffectual modern background music that is perfect for Mac users.

Schiller said: “It’s going to be like Classic FM for metrosexuals.

“Lots of Boards of Canada, Fleet Foxes, and bands like Alt-J that you ‘need’ to check out because they’ve won awards.

“Maybe a smattering of Devendra Banhart. Has he still got a beard? We’re really into people with beards.

“Apple radio is going to be really pleasant in this very contemporary, worthy, slightly nauseating way.

“Which I think reflects our users very accurately.”

34 year-old web designer Tom Logan said: “This sounds great, superficiality with an edge is totally my scene.

“I go nuts for music that is culturally valid.”

Microsoft is launching a rival streaming service, Microsoft FM, which will consist entirely of the Phil Collins back catalogue.

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