Apple reveals iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally

14-09-16

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Xinhua/REX/Shutterstock (5893820i) Apple CEO Tim Cook introduces the new earphone during an Apple special event Apple unveils new iPhone 7, the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, San Francisco , USA - 07 Sep 2016

THE ‘headphones’ for the new iPhone are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.

CEO Tim Cook explained that the tiny pod-like wireless devices should be coated with petroleum jelly and gently inserted into the user.

He said: “The human rectum is surprisingly receptive to sound waves, it’s actually like a ‘third ear’ and you will love feeling the bass right inside you.

“I wouldn’t want to leave them in there too long though, something bad might happen. That’s why the battery life is quite short.

“You can wear them in your ears too, although I wouldn’t recommend switching between the two regions. Choose your favourite and stick to it.”

He added: “Best of all, it’s so discreet. I’m wearing some now and you didn’t even notice.”

Apple fan Tom Logan said: “This is the perfect way to enjoy a free U2 album.”

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