Boffins Use Hybrid Embryos To Create Satan
SCIENTISTS at Dundee University have embarked on the world's first human-animal hybrid embryo project in a bid to create Satan.
Dr Henry Brubaker and his team of geneticists plan to generate the manifestation of pure evil using tissue from humans, a goat, a piranha, Richard Madeley and a bat.
Dr Brubaker said: "We were delighted when the government finally caved in to science and gave its approval to human-animal hybrids.
"We had planned to spend the next few years creating some very odd looking things. Chicken-monkeys, fish-badgers, zebra-geese, that sort of thing.
"But then it occurred to us that generating Satan would not only give a tremendous boost to the university in terms of public relations, but would also have a host of practical applications.
"It is not an exaggeration to suggest that Project Satan could solve all the problems of the world.
"As Satan will be all powerful, anything he says will be infallible and all who disagree will be destroyed in a ball of fire.
"So if Satan says that war, poverty, disease and climate-sodding-change are not actually problems at all, then I, for one, would suggest that they are not actually problems at all."
Dr Brubaker said that a fully-grown Satan would be around 5 feet 10 inches tall, weigh 13 stone and look remarkably like Bobby Davro.