China Sets New Light Speed Record

CHINA has asserted its growing technological dominance by setting a new record for the speed of light.

The Chinese: Should we be absolutely terrified?

Scientists at the Shanghai Institute for Technology have pushed the speed to 197,345 miles per second, shattering the previous record of 186,282 miles per second set by the BBC Tomorrow's World team in 1976.

It took the Chinese just three attempts to set the new record using a network of powerful lasers, a crystal magnifying glass and 14 million people on exercise bicycles.

The Chinese government said they would use the new super-fast light for peaceful purposes, insisting 'the systematic enslavement of all humans is not on the agenda'.

Mankind has been in a constant battle with the speed of light since Sir Isaac Newton set the first record in 1687.

Using a specially designed horse, the Cambridge physicist pushed the speed of light to more than 12 miles per hour.

After Newton's triumph light was transported via horseback for the next 150 years, until Isambard Kingdom Brunel patented his Condensing Light Refractor and Cotton Separator.

Brunel's obsession with the record led to fears that the world would eventually implode or fold-up like a huge origami swan.

An editorial in The Times from July 25th 1846 warned: "Light is one of our most unstable gasses. Mr Brunel is exposing Her Majesty the Queen to the greatest peril."

The international community is now watching closely amid fears China is planning to start a war on the moon.